Colour Therapy - Grown Up Colouring

'Countryside to Colour' colouring pad

Happy March!


It is a lovely day for colouring. Adult colouring or colour therapy colouring books are becoming extremely popular in our society. With health benefits from mindfulness practice to relieving stress, it is no wonder more and more people are turning to colouring in our fast paced lives.

I have yet to buy my first colour therapy book, however I began discovering colouring before I was aware of these new books and their health benefits.

Several years ago, I had become interested in watercolour paints and bought a colouring pads with detailed countryside images that could be easily filled in with paints or crayons. After finding one just for colouring I had completed a few images but soon had lost interest.

When becoming ill last year, I was keeping myself creative while I was recovering so I could keep my mind off being ill and focus on something that I could gain a sense of achievement from. I found my colouring pad and would listen to music, finding myself miles away as the time flew colouring beautiful images of the countryside and I think that is simply the idea of colour therapy.

As I did more and more, I began to create a small gallery on the spare bedroom wardrobe in which I decided to recouperate in, so make me feel more cheerful and give something for people who came to stay, a chance to look at and admire.


It's been a great way for me to see how far I have come in my recovery, particularly when I have matched the seasons to my mood. I'm not much of an artistic drawer, but there is something satisfying about colouring in a great drawing no matter what your ability is.

'Countryside to Colour' - colouring pad

Just the way you are: 5 feel-good songs on Valentines Day

Sometimes the date February 14th can be a really downer for singletons. Couples kissing, holding hands, giving and receiving chocolates and the restaurants are filled with love-struck diners.

I doesn't have to be all that bad. I'm making the most of being single today. I can do what I want when I want and still do loving things for people even without romantic intentions. This morning I posted on Twitter my heart shaped toast that I have been making for my family for countless Valentines Day breakfasts', then later I will be making some cupcakes with heart shaped marshmallows I bought from Sainsbury's before winding the day up with a cooked meal I will be whipping up for my parents and I.


As well as doing other things for people, Valentines Day is a good time to treat yourself. I'll definitely be snuggling up under a blanket to watch the classic rom-com Valentines Day (2009) but also I have created a feel-good list of music that make any single person feel a bit more loved.

Here are my top five from my list of 50:


(1) Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars

(2) All of Me - John Legend

(3) You are Loved (Don't Give Up) - Josh Groban 

(4) Everything - Michael Bublé

(5) She's Always a Woman - Billy Joel 

Re-tuning your inner dialogue so we can do the things we really love...

Sometimes I wonder why I can't achieve the things I want to.
I think over my university work that I have just completed in the last three years. I am quite a self-motivater when it comes to getting my head down and focussing on the academic stuff, but I have come to realise it has something to do with being set an assignment by someone else and getting it done so that I not only get a good mark but I will also look good in the eyes of them too.

I could be a bit harsh on myself and say that is a rather silly thing to do, seeing as my teachers have many other students to attend to. I have come to realise also that throughout my life so far I have always liked to be there for people all the time. If I can make people happy, then I can make myself happy. I admit that is a good way to live, but like anything, there is a spectrum that has two extremes each end. When you spend so much time for other people you forget yourself and you feel lost and unworthy. This seems to make a lot of sense.

Ever since I have therapy for my anxiety last year I have been focussing on S.M.A.R.T goals (Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Realistic. Time Focussed) and trying to set goals that pinpoint my interests and personal time alone. As part of my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) plan, creating goals this way helps you feel more purposeful and is fantastic for your wellbeing. It works with both anxiety and depression at times when we feel altogether quite helpless. SMART goals are also used in many areas in life, even in the the workplace.

Though I have completed my therapy with succession, I am getting better at setting the goals, but have still been finding them difficult to carry out. After a hard day of degree work working from home mostly, the last thing I want to do is sit around and do nothing. In my idea world, I would love to just get my knitting out from my bag and carry on with my latest pattern or do some yoga or scrapbooking, but in my mind, the internal dialogue is saying 'I'm so tired, I can't be bothered. Lets just flop, turn on the tv or laptop and stare mindlessly at a screen for the rest of the evening.' And I totally give into this.

It has got me very frustated but I am willing to change this attitude and build up my self-value because I know that I am worthy of achieving what I want to, outside of the workplace. By tuning into my internal dialogue, I have noticed it is full of unconscious negative thoughts, filtering all my positive thoughts for other people. I think I definitely deserve some of that! I have decided that bring more gratitude into my life. I have read that if you are more grateful for your achievements, big or small or grateful for the things in your life, you will feel a lot more better in yourself.

I remember when I was coping with trying to relax during my anxiety. I wanted it so badly but was I was trying so hard to relax, I couldn't. I can see this pattern trying to fog up my goals, and I think putting too much pressure on myself to do the things I love, isn't going to help me do them.

It's time I tune my inner dialogue to cut out less of the forceful aggression in it's voice, and replace it with compassion and natural enthusiasm, so that I feel energised by dong the things I love. Take this post for example: I hadn't considered writing it when I woke up this morning, it's just something that I did. I think that's the way we should approach the things we love. To see them as things we would like to do and keep them that way, rather than adding them to our to-do list's as things we have to do.

Zoë


Sources that have been helping me:

Daily Greatness Journals - Comes in three formats: Standard | For Yogi's| 12 Week Training Journal
(Undated journals with self-inquiry questions for each day to help you reach your potential through meditation through to yoga and 'I AM' statements to record your daily mindset and fill your gratitude list. Comes with weekly check-in pages on Sundays, a 90 day check in and yearly review. Also includes  a conscious blue-print to map out the 8 most important areas of your life and to set goals accordingly. Why start in January when you can start now? Check the link for more info.


The Complete Pocket Positives Anthology  
(An inspirational book full of positive quotes from sparking enthusiasm with the things we love, to being a good friend, and to the positives of just being your authentic self, as well as  making the most your mistakes when things go wrong. A must for anyone who needs to retune that negative inner dialogue or coping from anxiety/depression.) 

My Tiny Buddha Post

It is such a rewarding feeling when your post goes up onto a blog. I have been a regular reader of the site Tiny Buddha during my anxiety and many posts have made feel a bit more cosy inside and less alone. As my recovery was making good progress, I decided it was time for me to share my story like the millions of you have on Tiny Buddha and see if I would be able to help others too.

Having to wait several months for my story to arrive was exciting but I also couldn't wait. Lori, the creator of the site sent me an email with my link as promised, and within hours I had already received two comments from people who also suffered with chronic anxiety. I got that warm fuzzy feeling but it was ten times warmer than reading someone else's post. It was great knowing how similar their stories were and how encouraging they were. It is such an accepting community.

When you write about experiences of anxiety and depression you still feel inside like you are the only one and even though you have friends and family around, they won't be able to know exactly how you feel completely. My friend told me they had severe depression the other day, and although my depression was mild I knew exactly what it was like to feel embarrassed, helpless and alone. You want to remain strong in front of the eyes of the people who care about you and don't want them to judge you.

My friend wanted to pass on to our other friend about her situation to which they managed to understand a little because their mother had had depression. They said "We never use phrases like: That's so depressing - because feeling upset isn't the same as having depression'. I said that was a really sensible thing to do. It made me think of the times when people would tell me to 'just relax' and I felt they would almost be annoyed at for me just not trying. But the thing is, if you have anxiety or depression, you can't just cheer up or relax, and believe me, they are the two things the we want most in the world when we feel this way and we get frustrated that we can't have it.

Since January my recovery has tapered off and I feel pretty much my normal self. I am learning to relax but rather than telling myself to literally, I am using kindness and self-acceptance which gradually gets absorbed into my mind. What I have learned with anxiety is what we fear the worst. I remember in my worst states that I feel the world would just suddenly fail against me and that my body wouldn't be able to take anymore pressure I was giving it. It's always hard to face fear in the face and feel those horrible sensations. It's like walking through a current going the opposite way. You want to trek to that light of happiness. Even if you feel like you are going nowhere, you have to remember that each step you are getting closer. You just have to remember that you are ok and you and your body will get through this.

There were many times where I would just wish my anxiety to be gone, many times when I thought it had gone, but when it did 'disappear' it disappeared too quickly. It's only having recovered slowly that things have averaged out.

Regarding my Yoga, someone asked in the comment of my Tiny Buddha post…Well I am getting there. It's about carving out time and committing and that will be something that will take its time also.

For now, here is my Tiny Buddha post …. Practice, Persevere, and Trust That You're Making Progress

I hope it brings inspiration to those whose minds are bit fuzzy and dark but also an inspirational read into the world and journey of anxiety and depression.

Zoe

Anxiety Advantages

When anxiety is in full swing it's hard to imagine any positives about the horrible sensations you feel. However, digging deep in your mind you will find that anxiety brings an opportunity to grow. 

When I was struggling terribly with my anxiety between 2010-2012, I would constantly fight with the tensions I had. I still working at it today but I'm making a gradual slope up. At the time, however I thought 'thinking' my fears away would be good use of my time, but in fact it made it all the worse.

Things began to change slightly in 2012. I wanted to get on top of my feelings so I made a motivational board, giving me a woosh of positivity and purpose. I made my motivation board a physical one which I could look at regularly which I still update it to match my current progress to help stay in-tune. I have also linked my Pinterest board for any inspiration:

http://www.pinterest.com/myhopestree/motivation-positivity/

I really took 'Inspire a generation' in my own stride with a relaxing hobby rather than a traditional sport - knitting. I had begun a simply ball of white wool which I knitted top to bottom without a particular pattern in mind. It was uneven and lumpy, representing a Father Christmas shaped beard, but I enjoyed it, calming my breathing down to a rate I hadn't felt in what seemed a lifetime.

2013, enough was enough. I referred myself for some therapy, and was given a self-help style programme with tailored-to-fit modules, which gave me structure to turn my life back around.

I came to learn about mindfulness, using the present to calm the mind and live life more to the full. I am learning to slow down and take breaks for myself and knowing that when I'm over-doing it my body is usually telling me that through my anxiety.

I have been able to develop a more easy-going mindset and be a bit more kind to myself which has decreased anxiety levels and allow me to take my time to relax whenever I do feel on edge.

2014, I have started yoga. It has been something I have wanted to do for a longtime and it's another positive thing to add to my journey of personal growth. It has been a great way to relax and unwind as well as strengthening core muscle groups, resulting in the ultimate feel good factor. 

My goal for the rest of the year is to do more things I want to do, the things that have been left out while my anxiety has got in the way: new hobbies, new styles, new career, making time for the hobbies I already enjoy... 

But today is Valentines Day and I'm happy. And that's not to with any cards or chocolates and romantic gestures because I haven't had any this year but I'm making the most of having the trains cancelled from the flooding, being a little bit ill and having some self-love day, staying in bed and rejuvenating. 

Oddly all this positivity has stemmed from a bit of anxiety. 

Zoë

(Look out for my Anxiety Story on the blog Tiny Buddha where I talk about Practice, Patience and Perseverance: Trust You're Making Progress. Coming soon in April.)

 

The Deep Introvert

Introverts are very deep and tend to be listeners. We tend to make good writers because we have great insight about the world.

I find that Extraverts can talk about anything and mostly to anyone. I have my own selection of whom I really talk to and I find that all that I say is full of depth and and quite fluffy with plenty of rhetorical questions resembling the process of my mind, a blog posts or a journal posts. It's like I'm not really talking to anyone at all.

I am a listener. I always have been, and there are many great things about listeners. They tend to be more understanding and patient people. I have a set of Extravert friends who I speak to mainly on a one-to-one basis. I feel like they are the more dominate ones because they hold the conversation and often come up the various topics to talk about. "Oh so-and-so will listen to me." I wish I had that confidence. It's degrading of personal value to say that I don't think people will listen to me. All I have is that deep, fluffy stuff I just mentioned and that can be too overwhelming for people, I can sense it. It just makes me feel I should be quiet and just listen to them instead.

I have to start believing that people do want to listen to what I have to say, more than just them just wanting a reply for me and happily getting it. I guess it's what makes me a decent friend to have around.

I guess I just feel a bit lost right now. Searching for external things to fill the gaps doesn't really work, and then you are forced to look into yourself. I never used to find it hard but I seem to now. Maybe talking about the deep fluffy stuff is my way of writing to myself using an audience as my value rather than myself. That should change, and I should see what a special Introvert I am.

Personalised Healing

When you want to know a lot about something, it's natural to read up on it, esspeically with the easy access we have on the internet nowadays.

It's amazing how so many blogs are posted everyday about various things. If you want to know something, you will most likely going to find it, but what if there are so many different articles and web pages to look at on the same thing and you don't know which ones are right or nonetheless true.

Since I have been working with my anxiety, I have read many things about it and so of those resources were given to me when I was doing my therapy, so I feel like I can trust them. I also read Tiny Buddha regularly and read about other people's inspiring stories of overcoming anxiety and depression, as well as many other obstacles in life. I have even been inspired to write my own post which should be up on the website some time in February.

Articles like theses are everywhere and it's great we can share them, but sometimes I think I read too much and gather too much information about healing and relaxing. It's filling my head and I don't know which options to choose from, I don't know which options will help me. I keep telling myself to persevere and sometimes I just don't know what to persevere.

Every anxiety period is different from the one before. I feel the same symptoms but finding what will get rid of it is a nightmare. I try things that I have tried before and have worked and then they don't work. For all I know it could be that I am losing patience with myself, because I expect immediate results for everything. I know I should practice patience, but then again I find that I get impatient for not being patient fast enough. Full of so many twists and turns.

It's all about experimenting.

One thing that I have learned recently is that not all the information you read is right for you. Everyone has their own versions of life and they have their own versions of addictions and anxiety and depression, etc. We all learn about relationships differently. Some people need to go through lots of relationships to know what they want and grow up while they do that. This is anxiety is teaching me about growing up in just the same way. So, when people come to suggest mindfulness, particularly in meditation, they say it's about bringing your focus back to your body.

The body always present and I see that, but working that into my practice just got all me all aggrivated because I was simply doing the wrong thing for my body. I am hyper-aware of it as it is and I was thinking, I need to do the opposite. I know it says in books and on the internet that focusing your body is how your do it, but it doesn't work for me, I need to do it a different way, to focus the world externally, without it being distraction (an avoidance technique).

What I do know is that you can't force anything. I can't force myself to relax, no one can force themselves to be happy if they have depression. Though I repeat this to myself often: You just have to sit and feel and be present with negative sensations and let them pass on their own.

In time, it does. It's about putting up with it.

So, experiment, not every piece of advice in the book is suitable for you, but you'll what is right for you some way.