Anxiety Advantages

When anxiety is in full swing it's hard to imagine any positives about the horrible sensations you feel. However, digging deep in your mind you will find that anxiety brings an opportunity to grow. 

When I was struggling terribly with my anxiety between 2010-2012, I would constantly fight with the tensions I had. I still working at it today but I'm making a gradual slope up. At the time, however I thought 'thinking' my fears away would be good use of my time, but in fact it made it all the worse.

Things began to change slightly in 2012. I wanted to get on top of my feelings so I made a motivational board, giving me a woosh of positivity and purpose. I made my motivation board a physical one which I could look at regularly which I still update it to match my current progress to help stay in-tune. I have also linked my Pinterest board for any inspiration:

http://www.pinterest.com/myhopestree/motivation-positivity/

I really took 'Inspire a generation' in my own stride with a relaxing hobby rather than a traditional sport - knitting. I had begun a simply ball of white wool which I knitted top to bottom without a particular pattern in mind. It was uneven and lumpy, representing a Father Christmas shaped beard, but I enjoyed it, calming my breathing down to a rate I hadn't felt in what seemed a lifetime.

2013, enough was enough. I referred myself for some therapy, and was given a self-help style programme with tailored-to-fit modules, which gave me structure to turn my life back around.

I came to learn about mindfulness, using the present to calm the mind and live life more to the full. I am learning to slow down and take breaks for myself and knowing that when I'm over-doing it my body is usually telling me that through my anxiety.

I have been able to develop a more easy-going mindset and be a bit more kind to myself which has decreased anxiety levels and allow me to take my time to relax whenever I do feel on edge.

2014, I have started yoga. It has been something I have wanted to do for a longtime and it's another positive thing to add to my journey of personal growth. It has been a great way to relax and unwind as well as strengthening core muscle groups, resulting in the ultimate feel good factor. 

My goal for the rest of the year is to do more things I want to do, the things that have been left out while my anxiety has got in the way: new hobbies, new styles, new career, making time for the hobbies I already enjoy... 

But today is Valentines Day and I'm happy. And that's not to with any cards or chocolates and romantic gestures because I haven't had any this year but I'm making the most of having the trains cancelled from the flooding, being a little bit ill and having some self-love day, staying in bed and rejuvenating. 

Oddly all this positivity has stemmed from a bit of anxiety. 

Zoë

(Look out for my Anxiety Story on the blog Tiny Buddha where I talk about Practice, Patience and Perseverance: Trust You're Making Progress. Coming soon in April.)

 

The Deep Introvert

Introverts are very deep and tend to be listeners. We tend to make good writers because we have great insight about the world.

I find that Extraverts can talk about anything and mostly to anyone. I have my own selection of whom I really talk to and I find that all that I say is full of depth and and quite fluffy with plenty of rhetorical questions resembling the process of my mind, a blog posts or a journal posts. It's like I'm not really talking to anyone at all.

I am a listener. I always have been, and there are many great things about listeners. They tend to be more understanding and patient people. I have a set of Extravert friends who I speak to mainly on a one-to-one basis. I feel like they are the more dominate ones because they hold the conversation and often come up the various topics to talk about. "Oh so-and-so will listen to me." I wish I had that confidence. It's degrading of personal value to say that I don't think people will listen to me. All I have is that deep, fluffy stuff I just mentioned and that can be too overwhelming for people, I can sense it. It just makes me feel I should be quiet and just listen to them instead.

I have to start believing that people do want to listen to what I have to say, more than just them just wanting a reply for me and happily getting it. I guess it's what makes me a decent friend to have around.

I guess I just feel a bit lost right now. Searching for external things to fill the gaps doesn't really work, and then you are forced to look into yourself. I never used to find it hard but I seem to now. Maybe talking about the deep fluffy stuff is my way of writing to myself using an audience as my value rather than myself. That should change, and I should see what a special Introvert I am.

30 Days Can Change Everything...

Sometimes life can be pretty scary.
You can be surrounded by many people and still feel like the loneliest and most helpless person in the world. And of course, that is not true.

We all feel scared from time to time and growing up can be scary. I've learned that many people have suffered depression and anxiety during some point in their growing up years and that is quite comforting.

A month ago I felt so lost. I had tried and tried to overcome Anxiety. What kind of anxiety? I don't know, I assume Stress but I don't particularly have to put a label on it if I don't need to. I had, however been struggling with this horrible beast inside of me. It took the fun and joy out of my life and I was in my head all the time with a blank face trying to get back to that default way of being. I forced and forced myself to breathe normally, whatever normally meant but that forcing was only making things worse and sucking the life out of me till I just felt pale, cold and sluggish. Living was all that I wanted, to breathe and why was it being so hard? Why was the world against me? And why didn't my mind trust my soul?

I had written a stress journal before. I never liked looking at it and I always rushed it so that I wouldn't have to. What was the point of that? I guess that was worried that drawing attention to this monster, strengthened it, but it was actually the resistance that influenced it more than anything. Everything was made difficult when I moved back to university after Christmas and my parents were away and all my closest friends could only be contacted virtually. I wanted their presence and virtual wasn't enough. I needed a voice, a hug, a source of comfort but they were living their lives elsewhere so black and white text was all I could make do with.

It took some scary moments that made me feel that I had to tell my parents, a realisation that if I didn't do anything, then I could waste away and I was too young for that, I have so much to give. The best way for me was writing a letter which they read and then the rest of my family. Although unable to understand completely, they were supportive but I just picked a wrong time at the end of the Christmas Holidays.

So what was I to do for a month without visiting home? I cried many times, but that saved me, helped me, detoxed me. I told my closest confidents and they supported me, offering their time to listen to whatever I had to say whenever I needed, all with their own stories of comfort and hardships.

I was told by one, that whatever advice that I get, whether that is professional or family/friends; it is only me who can make me feel better. I didn't like this and I was thrown deep in to more darkness. But there was so much truth in that. After all, it is the emotions inside you that control how you feel no matter if you have triggered them yourself or externally from another, but it's true. It doesn't mean to say that you shouldn't go searching for support when you need it, but it's something to keep in mind - a balance of the two.

What about that question? Well, I had had enough of trying for three years, I wanted change and I wanted health. I began a stress journal, a proper one, that I could write about anything and allow space for good comments and gratitude and pep talks given to myself. It's not the journal that has been healing me but it's the act of a record. If I hadn't written that first post I'd still be lost not knowing the date when I wanted to make that change. I have had some up's and down's and even re-visited the scary moments and sensations over that time, but I reminded myself by reading inspiring stories about people who have been through tough situations, that people get through patches like this, and I hope reading this has give you, the reader some inspiration.

I have learned that Anxiety cannot be controlled. It's a free spirit and you have to let it come and go as you please. Once you learn to acknowledge and trust yourself not to feel bothered by it, then the strong monster then starts to disappear and become weak, before it has enough and drifts away.

We need stress in our lives to keep us alive. Some of it's good and yes some is bad, but it's ok for your heart to quicken every once in a while and in fact it's only protecting you. Stopping yourself being stressed by tensing up, opens a creeky dark door to misery. Trust your body. Your mind might not know what it's doing but your body certainly does and it can heal.

When I say heal, I don't mean that my feelings of tension are gone for good, but I have found happiness within myself and that is what I have asked for.

It's amazing what you can do to improve your perception and body's health in a month.

You should try it some time.

Zoe

Loud through words or through camera...

It’s amazing what you can write in blogs. I suppose that I have been feeling afraid recently. Afraid of who I am, or where I had gone. As an Introvert labeling ourselves separates us more from the rest of the world. There is so much influence in the media that molds us into something this fixed ideal. Something lifts me up and refreshes me when I see a girl that lets her natural curly hair run wild or wearing high heels even though she is tall. I like the girls, the women who step outside of that mold and rebels. Like I do. Sometimes you can feel so alone walking the other way from the crowd as they make you feel guilty for not going to that club last night. Oh she’s not sociable, she’s not important. They don’t they anything but you know. I have a very sociable life, thank you very much and that is made up of close knit of genuine friends and not some ones for being used for. I like sitting round a kitchen table with some tea or some wine laughing and talking about crazy things in this world or just making jokes. Socialising as a teenager or a student doesn’t mean going out on the town. It’s about being comfortable with people alike and having a good time no matter where you are and what you are doing. I like having a good time and I like being quirky. It’s fun.

I was watching YouTube and I'm not the kind of person who absorbs themselves in cats and dogs but rather the more interesting stuff (in my opinion) - vloggers. I love their enthusiasm for what they do and then they describe themselves as quiet characters who use the internet to express themselves and make themselves known to the world. It's quite exciting and I suppose I do that too through words. 

Briefly popping back to the Introvert label have so closely talked about in my posts, particularly on the Myers-Briggs groupings, I think I will like to say that I took a bit too extreme. I almost felt I had to live up the expectations of these four letters and I felt confused and lost and realised that no one can be exactly those things, it's just a rough guide. Ironically Isabelle Myers was an INFP and Carl Jung was an INFJ - both personality types I crossed over and both personality types that are most interested in self  discovery. They were finding their paths but creating those groups and finding out where they belong. I think it's different now. I should be searching who I am in a different way. Don't get too immersed in these things as they can make you go a bit nuts. Just keep the star sign name and you'll do fine. 

Inspiration for this post goes to: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6p1JBYWFt0&feature=g-high-lik - BECOMING YOUTUBE 

(great for those who want to start YouTube or enjoy expressing themselves online) 

http://www.youtube.com/carrie - An amazingly bubbly and quirky YouTuber I was talking about. Just subscribed. 

Musing: A sense of belonging...

As I stare out the window, the sun shines but you know that there is an inviting chill in the air. Winter mornings are something quite beautiful and refreshing. The sun is low and it's rich. As I sip my black honey tea, I feel at peace with the world. Slow breathing; effortless. My mind drifts into a state of meditation, though I am very much awake.

And that is when I can dream, where I can really think.



We live our lives longing for purpose. We want to be accepted, to own a place in this world. Just being alive is enough for that place to exist, but perhaps we don't realise that. When are we our true selves when we have so many facets? Often it is people who define your place. We often think this is influenced by the negative. The people staring at us and taking us in.  What are they thinking? We feel judged. Why are they looking at me? Do they know me? Do they know that sacred hidden depth? We're scared, we shy away. It takes a fraction of a second to create a first impression. We try our best to please, but pleasing everyone doesn't please yourself. We often find that we are ourselves when we are on our own. A discovery period. Why is it so hard to show yourself? We seem to sieve out the possibility that we are cared for and long for more of it. The more people who accept us, the better, right? Is it? Can't we just be content knowing that the people who do care have buckets of love and acceptation for us. We are able to show them a close depiction of who we are, but even then, each person may see a different individual. An interesting thought that different people can bring out different sides of us that we didn't know could exist. I don't want to hide, but I'm scared.

We can't stand to be fragile and vulnerable. We want to show strength and know what we are doing in this world, but no one gets a manual. I don't suppose anyone can live the same life twice. In fact, it is impossible. However, we all feel the same emotions in some way or another. Or to have been to the same place as another, but at a different time and state to life.

We think too much of ourselves. We don't think anyone understands how we feel and that is enough to feel lost. We don't seem to realise how blind we are being. We just think it is our oneself who experiences this but how about if we open our minds. We, perhaps as a world could get along in such a peaceful way. Wouldn't life be boring then? - I hear a whisper. Yes. Perhaps it would be?


Who we are on the streets is how we want to be perceived. We cover the invisible and emit our 'perfect'  selves. I wonder what life would be like if we stripped it all away. We would probably unravel the innocence of our childhood. We would be more playful and not afraid. Children don't place much significance on acceptance until they meet 'different' people. These others think different is wrong, when perhaps they are the ones who are troubled. Somehow we feel it is our fault and get alienated and insecure. We become shy.

That isn't my true self. It is only what people see and it is what you begin to believe. So why the incapability to show that. Is it protection? Yes. Probably. How about we start believing in who we are although we can keep our secrets hidden? We will be able to live in pride, showing off ourselves, rather than showing off our 'best selves'.

But where does this lead?

What does this mean?

Understanding the depth of an Introverted (INFJ)

Do you ever wonder what your place in the world is? Do you strive for meaning in pretty much everything? My mind is deep and complex and I have this intuition and intense understanding in people that not many others have. Sometimes I feel lost.

I have always been interested in who I am and where I am going in this life and have taken personality test after personality test. I've been naïve and I may continue to do so reading through article after article on the Myers-Briggs personality type websites and searching for who I am and how to improve myself and with those traits I always thought I was an INFP (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perception) type, because I have this great curiosity in oneself and harmonising relationships and avoiding conflict. I then realised that these types are not very organised, and though I can be messy from time to time, I like structure, I like the familiar and routine and knowing what I am doing and that sets apart an INFP from INFJ (judging) also known as the Consoler, while the perceiving type is the Dreamer. They are both very similar.  I could be crazy. I know there are many people out there who find their type and feel like someone has written about their exact character but at the same time, I know we all different.

Personally, I think Introverts are more interested in this self searching thing, than Extraverts. Us Introverts look inside ourselves and process the information there when we find that quiet place away from the loud world to charge. Why should Extraverts contemplate the world at this depth when they gain their energy from the people and the vibrant environments they are in? On the other hand, I could be totally wrong. It's just that I find that the Extraverts, don't really take in this interest of personal psychology, quite in the way that us Introverts do and that can sometimes make us question ourselves.

Being a part of the rarest personality type (apparently),  I sometimes wish that other types would have the same understanding that people like me do. I don't feel understood, I feel like I have to understand myself on my own and then when I have, then thats when it can be shared.

It can be difficult being an Introvert. We search for the words in our heads that cannot just flow our naturally like the Extraverts. We pause and we trip over our words, loose confidence and let our sentences taper off, feeling that what we had to say probably wasn't important, but really it was. We talk when we have something to say, not because we want to fill in the gaps.

However, I like seeing the world like this. Philosophical dicussions in our heads or with our closest friends and why things happen and observing the world; people watching, wondering what their story is, where they are going and what brings them to this particular place and this particular time of day, when you and a thousand other people are there too.

After all like John Lennon wrote in Imagine "You may say, I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one"

Everyone can dream, but the word 'dream' can mean many things, such as a goal, or a thought or a fantasy..

We are all open to the world of imagination, no matter who we are.