30 Days Can Change Everything...

Sometimes life can be pretty scary.
You can be surrounded by many people and still feel like the loneliest and most helpless person in the world. And of course, that is not true.

We all feel scared from time to time and growing up can be scary. I've learned that many people have suffered depression and anxiety during some point in their growing up years and that is quite comforting.

A month ago I felt so lost. I had tried and tried to overcome Anxiety. What kind of anxiety? I don't know, I assume Stress but I don't particularly have to put a label on it if I don't need to. I had, however been struggling with this horrible beast inside of me. It took the fun and joy out of my life and I was in my head all the time with a blank face trying to get back to that default way of being. I forced and forced myself to breathe normally, whatever normally meant but that forcing was only making things worse and sucking the life out of me till I just felt pale, cold and sluggish. Living was all that I wanted, to breathe and why was it being so hard? Why was the world against me? And why didn't my mind trust my soul?

I had written a stress journal before. I never liked looking at it and I always rushed it so that I wouldn't have to. What was the point of that? I guess that was worried that drawing attention to this monster, strengthened it, but it was actually the resistance that influenced it more than anything. Everything was made difficult when I moved back to university after Christmas and my parents were away and all my closest friends could only be contacted virtually. I wanted their presence and virtual wasn't enough. I needed a voice, a hug, a source of comfort but they were living their lives elsewhere so black and white text was all I could make do with.

It took some scary moments that made me feel that I had to tell my parents, a realisation that if I didn't do anything, then I could waste away and I was too young for that, I have so much to give. The best way for me was writing a letter which they read and then the rest of my family. Although unable to understand completely, they were supportive but I just picked a wrong time at the end of the Christmas Holidays.

So what was I to do for a month without visiting home? I cried many times, but that saved me, helped me, detoxed me. I told my closest confidents and they supported me, offering their time to listen to whatever I had to say whenever I needed, all with their own stories of comfort and hardships.

I was told by one, that whatever advice that I get, whether that is professional or family/friends; it is only me who can make me feel better. I didn't like this and I was thrown deep in to more darkness. But there was so much truth in that. After all, it is the emotions inside you that control how you feel no matter if you have triggered them yourself or externally from another, but it's true. It doesn't mean to say that you shouldn't go searching for support when you need it, but it's something to keep in mind - a balance of the two.

What about that question? Well, I had had enough of trying for three years, I wanted change and I wanted health. I began a stress journal, a proper one, that I could write about anything and allow space for good comments and gratitude and pep talks given to myself. It's not the journal that has been healing me but it's the act of a record. If I hadn't written that first post I'd still be lost not knowing the date when I wanted to make that change. I have had some up's and down's and even re-visited the scary moments and sensations over that time, but I reminded myself by reading inspiring stories about people who have been through tough situations, that people get through patches like this, and I hope reading this has give you, the reader some inspiration.

I have learned that Anxiety cannot be controlled. It's a free spirit and you have to let it come and go as you please. Once you learn to acknowledge and trust yourself not to feel bothered by it, then the strong monster then starts to disappear and become weak, before it has enough and drifts away.

We need stress in our lives to keep us alive. Some of it's good and yes some is bad, but it's ok for your heart to quicken every once in a while and in fact it's only protecting you. Stopping yourself being stressed by tensing up, opens a creeky dark door to misery. Trust your body. Your mind might not know what it's doing but your body certainly does and it can heal.

When I say heal, I don't mean that my feelings of tension are gone for good, but I have found happiness within myself and that is what I have asked for.

It's amazing what you can do to improve your perception and body's health in a month.

You should try it some time.

Zoe

Finding a way out of an anxious fog with it's toxic relationships

I look around, they smoke like chimneys. Young racing hearts, reckless. They live life to the full. Youth - Love. Sex. Drugs. We see the faces, the observers. We see them, with their vulnerable and neutral expressions. They look at us, or maybe they don't?

A guy stubs out his cigarette on the cold ground as the bus approaches. I pick up my heavy load of groceries and reluctantly inhale that ashy smell of poison. I have smelt that stench and some like it too much recently. I look around, they all do it. It's cool right? I swallow and do my best to breath the air that is fresh as I look out the window. Soon the smoke disperses.
While I was on this ten minute bus ride, I couldn't help but wonder what made him start smoking in the first place. I thought it was about fitting in, they did it because of peer pressure. I have thought since then it could be that they come from a family whom their parents smoke. But more recently I have twigged that perhaps this person and people like him are going through downward spiral. We have all heard how smoking nicotine and illegal drugs can relax and improve the perception in mind of the smoker. However it can make their problem a whole lot worse. A new problem. A sick addiction. Their initial problem has now gone out the window, locked in the back of their minds. They know it's bad, but they just can't stop. Every New Year, each one secretly hopes "THIS will be the year I get over it." But they need it, their food, their drink, their love. A sick lusting entertainment and escape not only before their eyes but in their mind.

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Sometimes smoking and taking drugs may seem like an easier way to sort out a problem. I wonder how many of you are succumbing to these death traps, scrabbling, clawing your way out. But it deals with your worries, right?

Facing the world when it's dark and looking forward is sometimes the only thing you can do. Your only option is to breath and sometimes that can be frightening. It's too much, is too fast, it's too tense. You just want to do it right.

Options?

Dance it out. No one says you have to be an expert. Even five minutes of  'Night Fever' zooming your arm up and down counts. Guys you may prefer football with your friends or if you are more of a flying solo guy, how about running?  Take a jog down round your street and feel that cool air fill your lungs and lift the silt and blackness out, circulating your body. Your heart pumping, unraveling your soul and surging you with the energy of which is life.  Engage with the endorphins in your head. They make you happier than any amount of drug pulsating in your blood stream. It may feel like a weakness stepping away from your drug one baby step at a time. How do you get over someone you love?  The chemicals in your brain work in the same way and it always seems lonely at first to stick out on your own. Once you do and give that chance for real, you begin to feel that strength returning. It often hasn't been touched by many young adults for a long time and continues not to until we choose it. It's about being ready. There are many ways to take your mind off stress. Relaxing music helps. It doesn't have to be the 5th Symphony but something that will capture your soul and take it to a new level, feeling some  natural sensations your body was made to experience in a pure state of health.

Writing is a fantastic tool. You could write a story on your experiences on what has made your angry and frustrated throughout your life? Write something everyday even if you have never been the best speller or grammar nerd. Sometimes it's about discovering your ambitions and interests. The next pen to paper creation could be a eye catching work of art, depicting life's troubles and the process of wandering through a torch-less land till you find that lamp of hope.

None said it is easy dealing with stress and anxiety. In fact it makes life and the simplest things in life seem very hard but the main thing is that you are not alone. Talk to a friend, or a family member or someone professional who knows and talks to people regularly. The moment we feel that we are no longer alone, is the moment when we can finally start the journey of believing in ourselves again. Even that journey may take a long time, but it's a step right?

My advice is none in the least professional but everyone around you has been through something or has learned to overcome in some way.

If you really want to become the happy person you want to be and I mean really want it, then you will. Surround yourself in positivity, even if you don't believe at first. Once you build up your exposure to positive quotes or people then that perception of negativity ticks over and you remember what it's like to feel human again. I know this because it's true, but you have to trust it and trust yourself.

Anyone you see has a story to tell on those blank and neutral faces that we wear on the bus, or at school/work and on the street. We all want to look strong enough and we may envy that slight smile on someones face just because we want to steal it for our own. Perhaps they have just managed to achieve that renewed feeling after a long and rollercoaster journey, because it is possible.