What's your university life?

Sometimes we reach a dead end and need change.
I remember two years ago upon starting university, I would dream about student life in the Halls and perhaps meeting a close friend or boyfriend whom I could have long meaningful discussions with, late at night in the kitchen while everyone was asleep. I could see a vibrant me with a life that combined of university and it's accommodation.

I didn't get the chance to go to Halls for freshman year and I was deeply disappointed by that. Was I truly missing out on the student life? However I got an application in early a year last May and I knew things were going to be opening up for me. I was ready to move out and start an independent life.

September now feels miles away. My mental and emotional health being tossed here and there with feelings I hadn't expected to feel in my bubble cloud. Living with anxiety makes those experiences much harder, and not to mention the cold weight of guilt on my shoulders for being extremely introspective. Was I missing it all?

I shouldn't have to feel guilty though.  I have however been extremely productive with my time here just by finding myself..in a small little cell sized room. When the more out-going flatmates ask if I'm up to anything, I think *I'm doing so much, you have no idea* but really say "Mmm not much. Just staying in." Sometimes you just want to have something interesting to say. But what I am doing is interesting to me but it won't be for you, I think.  I don't place value on getting drunk every night and trying to catch up on my sleep. I do however enjoy socialising with the wide range of friends that I have met during my stay in Halls and the ones I go to uni with. I like to talk about topics that I have a variety of routes and depth to them with friendships that will at least last the two or three years of education time or maybe beyond that for a few.

There are two different types of uni life and both of them are valid. There are many introspective types, blogging, listening to music, chatting to the selected few flat friends and finding themselves, in every Halls and that is ok. We may feel pressured to peel away from our comfortable skins but I believe that if you are happy with what you are doing, then thats where you should be at this point in time. When the time is right, we will come out of our chrisilis and bloom and find each other.  I heard the other day in the laundrette, a large group of high volumed voices were discussing the quiet girl in on of their flats. They were going to invite her to a big party saying that no one should be alone all the time. They then said that apparently the girl was happy to be by herself and I was thinking. *Yeah, I feel like that too. If I want to socialise then I will.

But Halls, it's not for me regardless of all the beneficial life skills have I have learned.  I can cook healthy nutritious meals and do laundry but there are so many thoughts and actions that can be done in one little room and I feel like I have come to the end of what it has for me. As for next year, I'll be commuting again. I'll have that freedom to be in the outside world and still be as introspective or as open as I like. Sometimes when we have small place we curl up to, we do like to stay there a bit too long. I would like to get out in the world, but who said it had to be in the noisy student nightlife?

Live a little.

Loud through words or through camera...

It’s amazing what you can write in blogs. I suppose that I have been feeling afraid recently. Afraid of who I am, or where I had gone. As an Introvert labeling ourselves separates us more from the rest of the world. There is so much influence in the media that molds us into something this fixed ideal. Something lifts me up and refreshes me when I see a girl that lets her natural curly hair run wild or wearing high heels even though she is tall. I like the girls, the women who step outside of that mold and rebels. Like I do. Sometimes you can feel so alone walking the other way from the crowd as they make you feel guilty for not going to that club last night. Oh she’s not sociable, she’s not important. They don’t they anything but you know. I have a very sociable life, thank you very much and that is made up of close knit of genuine friends and not some ones for being used for. I like sitting round a kitchen table with some tea or some wine laughing and talking about crazy things in this world or just making jokes. Socialising as a teenager or a student doesn’t mean going out on the town. It’s about being comfortable with people alike and having a good time no matter where you are and what you are doing. I like having a good time and I like being quirky. It’s fun.

I was watching YouTube and I'm not the kind of person who absorbs themselves in cats and dogs but rather the more interesting stuff (in my opinion) - vloggers. I love their enthusiasm for what they do and then they describe themselves as quiet characters who use the internet to express themselves and make themselves known to the world. It's quite exciting and I suppose I do that too through words. 

Briefly popping back to the Introvert label have so closely talked about in my posts, particularly on the Myers-Briggs groupings, I think I will like to say that I took a bit too extreme. I almost felt I had to live up the expectations of these four letters and I felt confused and lost and realised that no one can be exactly those things, it's just a rough guide. Ironically Isabelle Myers was an INFP and Carl Jung was an INFJ - both personality types I crossed over and both personality types that are most interested in self  discovery. They were finding their paths but creating those groups and finding out where they belong. I think it's different now. I should be searching who I am in a different way. Don't get too immersed in these things as they can make you go a bit nuts. Just keep the star sign name and you'll do fine. 

Inspiration for this post goes to: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6p1JBYWFt0&feature=g-high-lik - BECOMING YOUTUBE 

(great for those who want to start YouTube or enjoy expressing themselves online) 

http://www.youtube.com/carrie - An amazingly bubbly and quirky YouTuber I was talking about. Just subscribed. 

Why is it ok to be Single?

Why does it seem like a sin, a poor, inferior way of living when you don't have a man/woman on your arm? There is a freedom of making your own decisions and socialising to your own degree and not having to live up to the expectations of your other half. I don't know... I just feel like moving to Uni that I'll be surrounded by more experienced/attached people. I don't know about you, but sometimes I almost feel ashamed to say "No, I've never had a boyfriend.."and they are always surprised. I don't want to feel like that in particular.  I'm an independent woman who is fairly attractive; pretty yet natural.   I would like those words to come across when someone next asks of my status.

When we start school from a young age we get exposed to other types of beauty and wish other characteristics of ourselves. One friend always goes to me "You're so thin!" whenever she gives me a hug and I never know what to say. It's an observation more the less, but one I don't think about of myself because it's a quality I am in harmony with. I have my flaws though, I'm not perfect and sometimes we feel that we have to be. Why?

We don't want to shed our weaknesses; I guess it makes us feel unattractive and unworthy of ever finding love. We wallow in the lack of self confidence and express that in different ways. Personally I think there are two ways.

The Extravert
- Covers up their flaws, whether they use make up/ fake tan or a thick emotional barrier, concealing their sensitive depths and dressing in revealing and suggestive clothing. If someone gives them attention they think it's good, they have won the jackpot and often believe they will find happiness this way and it will boost their confidence. Whether they are considered ugly or attractive their loud exterior is attractive enough to win over potential one night stands and lovers.

The Introvert
- Subconsciously gives out signs of wanting to be invisible when really they are shouting out to be loved. They cover a wide spectrum of appearences but often keep a neutral expression when they are walking on their own which often makes them appear cold, this also includes lack of eye contact. They open up to a select few and often need to be approached first. They are considered quite dull to those who don't know them.


Whether you an Introvert or Extravert when you have confidence you are simply a more open person in a genuine way. That may surprise you Extraverts, but Introverts like to be social too. They just like to be social in small bursts and their energy runs out quicker.

The whole university lifestyle as student is so Extraverted in it's layout. That's ok, but how do us Introverts go and meet people when the idea of small talk is seen a waste of time, energy draining and simply overwhelming?

What I'm saying it's that, whether an Extravert is confident or not, they make it much easier to make connections. In comparison to Introverts, these connections are short lived while the Introvert looks for life-long relationships. I had a school reunion last month and there is one female who was simply the Queen Bee. She always has been and it's always be in her nature - the most classic types of Extravert. We all sat down awkwardly wondering what on earth to say these other people who we hadn't seen for years and frankly people we didn't really mind not keep in contact with. The female started chatting away and I thought to myself on the other side of the table "How does she find it so easy, it's not fair my mind just goes blank?"And later that night when we were walking home she was saying that she too found it awkward but her coping mechanism worked by chatting mindlessly on nerves about anything, which thankfully the rest of us sighed with relief, listening to whatever she had to say.

She seemed like the most confident person in the world, I always thought, once being one of many of her friends. She oddly confided to us all saying that she was nervous about going to Uni and worried that no one would like her. Across the table I disagreed  "That's crazy! Everyone likes you!" and some nods here and the there around the tables chorused. We were frankly surprised.

I guess we all worry about those things. We want to be liked. We want to show that we have potential.
However the word 'boyfriend' seems tacky to me. Some immature male who is out to break your heart in and says "I love you" meaning "I Luv U" which doesn't mean much at all. It's like a social tag, while husband, partner or other half seems much more sincere and meaningful.


However, as much as it is nice to belong to someone in that way, you have to be emotionally ready for those things. Going back to Introverts and Extraverts; we all want someone. Extraverts certainly get a lot more sex hands down, but as an Introvert I would happily by-pass any superficial relationships and one night stands with a few long-term relationships I can learn from effectively.

No one should feel pressured to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I doesn't mean to say that we aren't good enough if we don't. Being independent has made me realise who I am as a person which in turn has given me confidence and there is no reason why anyone else shouldn't feel that that too. Besides just because you may be single, doesn't mean people don't care about you, because they probably do.