Why is it ok to be Single?

Why does it seem like a sin, a poor, inferior way of living when you don't have a man/woman on your arm? There is a freedom of making your own decisions and socialising to your own degree and not having to live up to the expectations of your other half. I don't know... I just feel like moving to Uni that I'll be surrounded by more experienced/attached people. I don't know about you, but sometimes I almost feel ashamed to say "No, I've never had a boyfriend.."and they are always surprised. I don't want to feel like that in particular.  I'm an independent woman who is fairly attractive; pretty yet natural.   I would like those words to come across when someone next asks of my status.

When we start school from a young age we get exposed to other types of beauty and wish other characteristics of ourselves. One friend always goes to me "You're so thin!" whenever she gives me a hug and I never know what to say. It's an observation more the less, but one I don't think about of myself because it's a quality I am in harmony with. I have my flaws though, I'm not perfect and sometimes we feel that we have to be. Why?

We don't want to shed our weaknesses; I guess it makes us feel unattractive and unworthy of ever finding love. We wallow in the lack of self confidence and express that in different ways. Personally I think there are two ways.

The Extravert
- Covers up their flaws, whether they use make up/ fake tan or a thick emotional barrier, concealing their sensitive depths and dressing in revealing and suggestive clothing. If someone gives them attention they think it's good, they have won the jackpot and often believe they will find happiness this way and it will boost their confidence. Whether they are considered ugly or attractive their loud exterior is attractive enough to win over potential one night stands and lovers.

The Introvert
- Subconsciously gives out signs of wanting to be invisible when really they are shouting out to be loved. They cover a wide spectrum of appearences but often keep a neutral expression when they are walking on their own which often makes them appear cold, this also includes lack of eye contact. They open up to a select few and often need to be approached first. They are considered quite dull to those who don't know them.


Whether you an Introvert or Extravert when you have confidence you are simply a more open person in a genuine way. That may surprise you Extraverts, but Introverts like to be social too. They just like to be social in small bursts and their energy runs out quicker.

The whole university lifestyle as student is so Extraverted in it's layout. That's ok, but how do us Introverts go and meet people when the idea of small talk is seen a waste of time, energy draining and simply overwhelming?

What I'm saying it's that, whether an Extravert is confident or not, they make it much easier to make connections. In comparison to Introverts, these connections are short lived while the Introvert looks for life-long relationships. I had a school reunion last month and there is one female who was simply the Queen Bee. She always has been and it's always be in her nature - the most classic types of Extravert. We all sat down awkwardly wondering what on earth to say these other people who we hadn't seen for years and frankly people we didn't really mind not keep in contact with. The female started chatting away and I thought to myself on the other side of the table "How does she find it so easy, it's not fair my mind just goes blank?"And later that night when we were walking home she was saying that she too found it awkward but her coping mechanism worked by chatting mindlessly on nerves about anything, which thankfully the rest of us sighed with relief, listening to whatever she had to say.

She seemed like the most confident person in the world, I always thought, once being one of many of her friends. She oddly confided to us all saying that she was nervous about going to Uni and worried that no one would like her. Across the table I disagreed  "That's crazy! Everyone likes you!" and some nods here and the there around the tables chorused. We were frankly surprised.

I guess we all worry about those things. We want to be liked. We want to show that we have potential.
However the word 'boyfriend' seems tacky to me. Some immature male who is out to break your heart in and says "I love you" meaning "I Luv U" which doesn't mean much at all. It's like a social tag, while husband, partner or other half seems much more sincere and meaningful.


However, as much as it is nice to belong to someone in that way, you have to be emotionally ready for those things. Going back to Introverts and Extraverts; we all want someone. Extraverts certainly get a lot more sex hands down, but as an Introvert I would happily by-pass any superficial relationships and one night stands with a few long-term relationships I can learn from effectively.

No one should feel pressured to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I doesn't mean to say that we aren't good enough if we don't. Being independent has made me realise who I am as a person which in turn has given me confidence and there is no reason why anyone else shouldn't feel that that too. Besides just because you may be single, doesn't mean people don't care about you, because they probably do.

Understanding the depth of an Introverted (INFJ)

Do you ever wonder what your place in the world is? Do you strive for meaning in pretty much everything? My mind is deep and complex and I have this intuition and intense understanding in people that not many others have. Sometimes I feel lost.

I have always been interested in who I am and where I am going in this life and have taken personality test after personality test. I've been naïve and I may continue to do so reading through article after article on the Myers-Briggs personality type websites and searching for who I am and how to improve myself and with those traits I always thought I was an INFP (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perception) type, because I have this great curiosity in oneself and harmonising relationships and avoiding conflict. I then realised that these types are not very organised, and though I can be messy from time to time, I like structure, I like the familiar and routine and knowing what I am doing and that sets apart an INFP from INFJ (judging) also known as the Consoler, while the perceiving type is the Dreamer. They are both very similar.  I could be crazy. I know there are many people out there who find their type and feel like someone has written about their exact character but at the same time, I know we all different.

Personally, I think Introverts are more interested in this self searching thing, than Extraverts. Us Introverts look inside ourselves and process the information there when we find that quiet place away from the loud world to charge. Why should Extraverts contemplate the world at this depth when they gain their energy from the people and the vibrant environments they are in? On the other hand, I could be totally wrong. It's just that I find that the Extraverts, don't really take in this interest of personal psychology, quite in the way that us Introverts do and that can sometimes make us question ourselves.

Being a part of the rarest personality type (apparently),  I sometimes wish that other types would have the same understanding that people like me do. I don't feel understood, I feel like I have to understand myself on my own and then when I have, then thats when it can be shared.

It can be difficult being an Introvert. We search for the words in our heads that cannot just flow our naturally like the Extraverts. We pause and we trip over our words, loose confidence and let our sentences taper off, feeling that what we had to say probably wasn't important, but really it was. We talk when we have something to say, not because we want to fill in the gaps.

However, I like seeing the world like this. Philosophical dicussions in our heads or with our closest friends and why things happen and observing the world; people watching, wondering what their story is, where they are going and what brings them to this particular place and this particular time of day, when you and a thousand other people are there too.

After all like John Lennon wrote in Imagine "You may say, I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one"

Everyone can dream, but the word 'dream' can mean many things, such as a goal, or a thought or a fantasy..

We are all open to the world of imagination, no matter who we are.