Sometimes we reach a dead end and need change.
I remember two years ago upon starting university, I would dream about student life in the Halls and perhaps meeting a close friend or boyfriend whom I could have long meaningful discussions with, late at night in the kitchen while everyone was asleep. I could see a vibrant me with a life that combined of university and it's accommodation.
I didn't get the chance to go to Halls for freshman year and I was deeply disappointed by that. Was I truly missing out on the student life? However I got an application in early a year last May and I knew things were going to be opening up for me. I was ready to move out and start an independent life.
September now feels miles away. My mental and emotional health being tossed here and there with feelings I hadn't expected to feel in my bubble cloud. Living with anxiety makes those experiences much harder, and not to mention the cold weight of guilt on my shoulders for being extremely introspective. Was I missing it all?
I shouldn't have to feel guilty though. I have however been extremely productive with my time here just by finding myself..in a small little cell sized room. When the more out-going flatmates ask if I'm up to anything, I think *I'm doing so much, you have no idea* but really say "Mmm not much. Just staying in." Sometimes you just want to have something interesting to say. But what I am doing is interesting to me but it won't be for you, I think. I don't place value on getting drunk every night and trying to catch up on my sleep. I do however enjoy socialising with the wide range of friends that I have met during my stay in Halls and the ones I go to uni with. I like to talk about topics that I have a variety of routes and depth to them with friendships that will at least last the two or three years of education time or maybe beyond that for a few.
There are two different types of uni life and both of them are valid. There are many introspective types, blogging, listening to music, chatting to the selected few flat friends and finding themselves, in every Halls and that is ok. We may feel pressured to peel away from our comfortable skins but I believe that if you are happy with what you are doing, then thats where you should be at this point in time. When the time is right, we will come out of our chrisilis and bloom and find each other. I heard the other day in the laundrette, a large group of high volumed voices were discussing the quiet girl in on of their flats. They were going to invite her to a big party saying that no one should be alone all the time. They then said that apparently the girl was happy to be by herself and I was thinking. *Yeah, I feel like that too. If I want to socialise then I will.
But Halls, it's not for me regardless of all the beneficial life skills have I have learned. I can cook healthy nutritious meals and do laundry but there are so many thoughts and actions that can be done in one little room and I feel like I have come to the end of what it has for me. As for next year, I'll be commuting again. I'll have that freedom to be in the outside world and still be as introspective or as open as I like. Sometimes when we have small place we curl up to, we do like to stay there a bit too long. I would like to get out in the world, but who said it had to be in the noisy student nightlife?
Live a little.
