Re-tuning your inner dialogue so we can do the things we really love...

Sometimes I wonder why I can't achieve the things I want to.
I think over my university work that I have just completed in the last three years. I am quite a self-motivater when it comes to getting my head down and focussing on the academic stuff, but I have come to realise it has something to do with being set an assignment by someone else and getting it done so that I not only get a good mark but I will also look good in the eyes of them too.

I could be a bit harsh on myself and say that is a rather silly thing to do, seeing as my teachers have many other students to attend to. I have come to realise also that throughout my life so far I have always liked to be there for people all the time. If I can make people happy, then I can make myself happy. I admit that is a good way to live, but like anything, there is a spectrum that has two extremes each end. When you spend so much time for other people you forget yourself and you feel lost and unworthy. This seems to make a lot of sense.

Ever since I have therapy for my anxiety last year I have been focussing on S.M.A.R.T goals (Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Realistic. Time Focussed) and trying to set goals that pinpoint my interests and personal time alone. As part of my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) plan, creating goals this way helps you feel more purposeful and is fantastic for your wellbeing. It works with both anxiety and depression at times when we feel altogether quite helpless. SMART goals are also used in many areas in life, even in the the workplace.

Though I have completed my therapy with succession, I am getting better at setting the goals, but have still been finding them difficult to carry out. After a hard day of degree work working from home mostly, the last thing I want to do is sit around and do nothing. In my idea world, I would love to just get my knitting out from my bag and carry on with my latest pattern or do some yoga or scrapbooking, but in my mind, the internal dialogue is saying 'I'm so tired, I can't be bothered. Lets just flop, turn on the tv or laptop and stare mindlessly at a screen for the rest of the evening.' And I totally give into this.

It has got me very frustated but I am willing to change this attitude and build up my self-value because I know that I am worthy of achieving what I want to, outside of the workplace. By tuning into my internal dialogue, I have noticed it is full of unconscious negative thoughts, filtering all my positive thoughts for other people. I think I definitely deserve some of that! I have decided that bring more gratitude into my life. I have read that if you are more grateful for your achievements, big or small or grateful for the things in your life, you will feel a lot more better in yourself.

I remember when I was coping with trying to relax during my anxiety. I wanted it so badly but was I was trying so hard to relax, I couldn't. I can see this pattern trying to fog up my goals, and I think putting too much pressure on myself to do the things I love, isn't going to help me do them.

It's time I tune my inner dialogue to cut out less of the forceful aggression in it's voice, and replace it with compassion and natural enthusiasm, so that I feel energised by dong the things I love. Take this post for example: I hadn't considered writing it when I woke up this morning, it's just something that I did. I think that's the way we should approach the things we love. To see them as things we would like to do and keep them that way, rather than adding them to our to-do list's as things we have to do.

Zoë


Sources that have been helping me:

Daily Greatness Journals - Comes in three formats: Standard | For Yogi's| 12 Week Training Journal
(Undated journals with self-inquiry questions for each day to help you reach your potential through meditation through to yoga and 'I AM' statements to record your daily mindset and fill your gratitude list. Comes with weekly check-in pages on Sundays, a 90 day check in and yearly review. Also includes  a conscious blue-print to map out the 8 most important areas of your life and to set goals accordingly. Why start in January when you can start now? Check the link for more info.


The Complete Pocket Positives Anthology  
(An inspirational book full of positive quotes from sparking enthusiasm with the things we love, to being a good friend, and to the positives of just being your authentic self, as well as  making the most your mistakes when things go wrong. A must for anyone who needs to retune that negative inner dialogue or coping from anxiety/depression.) 

Overcoming vulnerable moments of suffering...

"Discovering the light of hope"

Vulnerability is when you are exposed to your fears. This may not be a direct exposure, but there is that possible chance that your fears could get in your way at these given moments.These fears can span from just a small scale, such as social phobia’s or large scale fears of ill health or death. As people we fear many things and no matter how big or small they are, they can seem the size of mountains. We want to appear strong in the eyes of our peers, families and friends. We don’t want to be weak.

Even if we disgust the fears that we have, they can still eat up us away if we let them. It is only our minds that can tell us how we feel and what we do and we can change our approaches if life can seem unbearable, particularly if we are fed up of suffering.  We suffer in different ways. We may have had a hard childhood, been bullied and stripped of self confidence or suffer from invisible conditions such as depression or anxiety. We may be trying to overcome losing weight or give up smoking.

I’ve been an anxiety sufferer; It can take a certain event to swallow you up into this dark hole. And though sometimes it has become unclear about what triggered this dark cloud, I know that my life was much more brighter when it wasn’t around. You could over think until you find an answer but even that can just make the problem worse and even contribute to a general over thinking problem.I’m a fighter but it let it bother me, because I was trying to so hard to make it right. Sometimes you have to do the opposite.

I have taken up knitting and I have felt more at peace with myself then I have ever have. My mind has been freed, unlocking my thoughts and peeling apart meanings that I have never understood. 

When we at our lowest, we have to believe that things will get better, even if that light of hope in the distance is the size of a pin prick. One positive thought is enough to get your started, even that is just a smile that feels fake on the sadness of your face. We think that we are the ones that are suffering. We feel that someone is out to get us, who has chosen us to suffer, but isn’t that really a gift, we have chosen to make a unwanted burden? If you hadn’t suffered, then you wouldn’t be that stronger person you are today.

My metaphor is: Life is like knitting. It can unravel or get knotted up at the most unexpected times and lead you to a dead end. If you pick up the wool and start from again, you may achieve the harmony in your life that you may not have had if you hadn’t stumbled. 

So not matter what you are suffering from, find something that you enjoy enough to distract you from your problem. You will realise that you are not alone and your problem is probably smaller than you think it is, because you can most likely do something about it. 

Take your fears and problems and split them into two categories:

1)   I can do something about this problem

2)   I can’t do anything about it, I just need to accept it and move on.

I know that a lot of people would want to choose the latter even they could do something to change it, because it is the easiest, but if you think about it,wouldn’t you achieve more if you take some patience and work for that harder number 1 solution?

Take those vulnerable idle moments and turn them around. Embrace these moments as an extra push to help improve and eventually you find where you want to go.

It's the constant effort that gets you through.